The key ideas

Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol

Holly Whitaker, 2019

A glass after work seems normal, and the question “Am I an alcoholic?” helps you keep drinking. Holly Whitaker quit drinking at thirty-three and believes alcohol was sold to women as rest, health and freedom. She suggests asking yourself a different question and quitting without punishing yourself: changing habits, working on the causes and finding your own path.

Who it is for

For anyone who suspects they drink more than they'd like but doesn't consider themselves an alcoholic. And for everyone who is tired of a glass being the reward for a hard day.

We're trained to ask one question of our drinking: Am I an alcoholic? And to keep drinking if that answer is no.

An alcoholic phase

A Saturday afternoon in San Francisco. A friend comes over to Holly Whitaker's with a plastic cup of whiskey: she has been dumped by a man she met online. A group gathers, and the friend announces that she seems to be going through an “alcoholic phase”. Holly sees relief on the faces around her and feels it herself: if everyone is like this, then everything is fine.

She is thirty-three. She is a director at a healthcare startup, and her evenings almost always end with two bottles of wine. One October morning she wakes up amid trash and empty bottles, still holding whiskey, and realizes she can't pretend anymore. Six months later, after two relapses, she quits drinking for good. Later she founds Tempest, an online sobriety school, and writes this book.

Her main idea is a sharp one. Alcohol, in the author's view, is not a harmless part of a good life but an addictive substance that culture sold to women as rest, health and freedom. And the way out begins with asking yourself a question other than “Am I an alcoholic?”

Rocket fuel in a glass

Whitaker starts with chemistry. A glass of wine contains the same ethanol that goes into fuel and is used to wipe your skin before an injection. Yet a generation that reads labels and chooses natural cosmetics drinks it for pleasure. The author recalls Gwyneth Paltrow: her company Goop refused to recommend a “toxic” eyeliner to its readers, while its wellness summit was sponsored by a vodka brand.

The author looks for an explanation in the history of cigarettes. In 1929, public relations specialist Edward Bernays helped a tobacco company win over women. At the Easter parade in New York, young women lit up as if in protest, and the cigarettes were called “torches of freedom”. As the author sees it, the alcohol industry only had to put a glass next to them. And today we make the ads ourselves: jokes about “mommy juice”, wine T-shirts and memes.

Whitaker compares the slogan “Drink responsibly” with tobacco's “Not enough research”. In her view, both steer the conversation away from the substance itself: the first implies the problem lies with the few who can't handle their drink, the second sowed doubt about the science.

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About the author

Holly Whitaker is an American writer and the founder of Tempest, an online sobriety school formerly called Hip Sobriety. Before that she worked in healthcare and technology. She hasn't had a drink since 2013.

All books by this author: Holly Whitaker

Terms from the book

  • Grace
  • Alcoholics Anonymous
  • Prefrontal cortex
  • Wilson
  • Smith
  • Tempest: An online sobriety school Holly Whitaker founded in 2014. Its eight-week program is built on her approach to recovery, with no required twelve steps.
  • Ethanol: Ethyl alcohol, the main active substance in every alcoholic drink. It is also used as an antiseptic, a solvent and a fuel.
  • Paltrow: Gwyneth Paltrow, the American actress and founder of the company Goop. Whitaker uses her as an example of how the wellness industry goes hand in hand with alcohol advertising.
  • Goop: Gwyneth Paltrow's American company and media brand about wellness, beauty and well-being.
  • Bernays: Edward Bernays, the American public relations specialist known as the father of the profession. In 1929, working for a tobacco company, he staged the “torches of freedom” stunt.
  • Grisel: Judith Grisel, an American neuroscientist and author of a book on addiction, Never Enough. Whitaker relies on her explanation of how the body responds to a drug's effects.
  • Flinders: Carol Lee Flinders, an American scholar and meditation teacher. She wrote about why spiritual practices created by men ask women to give up what has already been taken from them.
  • Carr: Allen Carr, a British author of books about how to quit smoking and drinking. His book on an easy way to control alcohol helped Whitaker give up drinking the first time.

All terms

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