The Happiness Project
Gretchen Rubin, 2009
The days are long, but the years are short. One day on a city bus, Gretchen Rubin realized this and decided to devote a year to her own happiness: twelve months, twelve themes, and a chart to mark every evening. Here, her method is broken down into steps: turning a vague “I want to be happier” into specific resolutions, and seeing what you can try from her year in your own life this very week.
Who it is for
For anyone whose life seems to be going well but contains less joy than they would like. And for anyone who wants to become happier without changing their job, city, or family.
The days are long, but the years are short.
Rain on a bus window and a question long overdue
A rainy day, a city bus, wet glass. Gretchen Rubin is traveling through New York, looking out of the window. Nothing bad has happened: she has a beloved husband, two daughters, and work she chose herself. Suddenly, a thought catches up with her: the days are long, but the years are short. Time is passing, and she is not paying enough attention to what truly matters.
Rubin was not unhappy. She had once worked as a lawyer, even clerking for US Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, before leaving law to write books. But that day, she asked herself what she wanted from life and answered simply: to be happier. Then she noticed she had almost never considered what specifically made her happy.
That was the beginning of her project. One year and twelve months, each with a theme: energy, marriage, work, children, play, friends, money, and so on. Each month brought a few specific resolutions and a chart to mark every evening. No distant journeys or drastic changes: the same apartment, family, and work.
This leads to a question worth reading on for: how can you become happier without turning your life upside down? You will see how Rubin built her year, which resolutions worked, where she stumbled, and what you can use this very week. Let’s begin where she did: with a plan.
A vague wish to be happier becomes a to-do list
The main difficulty with happiness is how vague it is. “Be happier” sounds like a weather forecast: you want sunshine but do not know what to do. So Rubin began by breaking that desire into parts.
Her first formula, which she called the First Splendid Truth, goes like this: to become happier, you need to think about the good, the bad, and the right, all in an atmosphere of growth. Put simply, happiness has four levers. Add what brings joy. Remove what angers or tires you or makes you feel guilty. Do what you believe is right for your life. And feel that you are moving forward and learning new things.
Next, the vague becomes specific. Not “take better care of my health,” but “go to bed earlier.” Not “be a good wife,” but “stop nagging my husband.” Rubin worded every resolution so she could answer honestly in the evening: did I do it or not?
Why does this matter so much? A vague goal says nothing about this evening and is easy to postpone. A specific resolution tells you what to do right now and makes it clear whether you have done it. The difference is like saying “go to the seaside someday” versus buying a ticket with a date.
For this, she created a chart, much as Benjamin Franklin once kept a chart of his virtues. Rows for resolutions, columns for days, checks and crosses. The chart worked like a mirror in the hallway: you cannot walk past without seeing it, and deceiving yourself becomes difficult.
Beside the chart came a short list of rules for life, her Twelve Commandments. The first sounds almost like a joke: “Be Gretchen.” Others are brief too: “Let it go,” “Act the way I want to feel,” “Do it now,” “Enjoy the process.” Such a commandment offers a cue in a difficult moment when there is no time to think at length.
How to try this yourself:
• Choose a theme. One area of life for a month: sleep, money, friends, or work. Not everything at once.
• Write resolutions as actions. Things you can answer yes or no to in the evening.
• Mark the chart every evening. A check or a cross, then another attempt tomorrow.
About the author
Gretchen Rubin is an American writer born in 1965. Before becoming a writer, she worked as a lawyer. After The Happiness Project, she wrote several more books about happiness and habits.
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